Welcome  ChixxChat

So often when we are in relationships, we often see potential or have a longing for the other party to possess a certain something that we feel would make the relationship better. We want them to have what we think is missing to make us happy in the relationship. We want them to make changes because we have convinced ourselves that they are the ones that need to change and not us. We make affirmations like, “if they don’t change then I’m leaving”. “If they don’t get it together, I’m out of here.” We secretly wish they were more romantic or more thoughtful.

In essence, we want them to adjust to us “our flaws and all”. We want to recreate them to be who we want them to be. We want to rush their process and see them at the finish line…. for their “good’ right?

No, if we are honest with ourselves, we want them to change and hurry up and get it right for our benefits. But is that fair? Is that fair that we are trying to rush their journey, wish them past lessons that they need to learn or hurry them to the finish line without allowing them to enjoy/experience each leg of the race?

While our intentions may be genuine and good, in all actuality they are selfish. It’s quite common for us to see faults or flaws in others versus looking within ourselves to see what changes we need to make. If we change our perspective on our situation, it will inadvertently change our expectations.

What do I mean by that?

Instead of looking at what our significant others can do/change to assist in making the relationship better, how about we look within ourselves and see what we can change to make things better for us. We go through situations and relationships investing time and energy into something that is either not for us or on the wrong things and cause more headache than necessary in our relationship. When we realize that we can’t change other people and we only have control to change ourselves, our perspective begins to change and then our expectations don’t have that power to affect us the same way. If we focus on how we can change ourselves for the better to make us happy or contribute to the success of our relationships it will unconsciously motivate them to do the same IF they want it as bad as you do. Once we take full accountability for our happiness, we will stop expecting to find it in others. You would be so amazed at how much stress and pressure that will get released once we change our perspective.

When we learn and accept that we are responsible and capable of only changing us those good intentions will no longer be selfish requests.