Welcome  ChixxChat

So often when we are in relationships, we often see potential or have a longing for the other party to possess a certain something that we feel would make the relationship better. We want them to have what we think is missing to make us happy in the relationship. We want them to make changes because we have convinced ourselves that they are the ones that need to change and not us. We make affirmations like, “if they don’t change then I’m leaving”. “If they don’t get it together, I’m out of here.” We secretly wish they were more romantic or more thoughtful.

In essence, we want them to adjust to us “our flaws and all”. We want to recreate them to be who we want them to be. We want to rush their process and see them at the finish line…. for their “good’ right?

No, if we are honest with ourselves, we want them to change and hurry up and get it right for our benefits. But is that fair? Is that fair that we are trying to rush their journey, wish them past lessons that they need to learn or hurry them to the finish line without allowing them to enjoy/experience each leg of the race?

While our intentions may be genuine and good, in all actuality they are selfish. It’s quite common for us to see faults or flaws in others versus looking within ourselves to see what changes we need to make. If we change our perspective on our situation, it will inadvertently change our expectations.

What do I mean by that?

Instead of looking at what our significant others can do/change to assist in making the relationship better, how about we look within ourselves and see what we can change to make things better for us. We go through situations and relationships investing time and energy into something that is either not for us or on the wrong things and cause more headache than necessary in our relationship. When we realize that we can’t change other people and we only have control to change ourselves, our perspective begins to change and then our expectations don’t have that power to affect us the same way. If we focus on how we can change ourselves for the better to make us happy or contribute to the success of our relationships it will unconsciously motivate them to do the same IF they want it as bad as you do. Once we take full accountability for our happiness, we will stop expecting to find it in others. You would be so amazed at how much stress and pressure that will get released once we change our perspective.

When we learn and accept that we are responsible and capable of only changing us those good intentions will no longer be selfish requests.

Do you feel like as a parent if you have raised your kids and they become famous or financially successful that they owe you? Do you feel that since you rushed off of work to take them to practices and games, or you worked extra hours so that you could afford to put them in special leagues like “AAU” and you’ve paid for special coaching sessions, or made sure they had enough money to go on all of the out of town trips with the team, sold dinners on the side so that you could afford to purchase the new uniforms each year and now that they’ve finally made it into the “Big Leagues” that it’s their turn to take care of you? Do they owe you now? Are they famous or are “ya’ll” famous? Are they wealthy or are “ya’ll” wealthy? Did they make it or did “ya’ll” make it? When does the obligation begin or end? Is that a required or expected “Pay It Forward”?

A lot of times as parents we pour so much into our children with the hopes that they be better than us. We pray for success, wealth and prosperity and good health for our children. We root for them to make it and then when they do, we have an expectation of “tag you’re it” but are they really? Isn’t it our responsibility to take care of our children and provide the best life possible? Aren’t we supposed to sacrifice to provide their needs and sometimes wants and even invest in their future? Aren’t we supposed to support their dreams and nourish their potential? Is it their fault that instead of telling them we can’t afford something we decide to sacrifice and find a way to make it happen? Is it their fault that sometimes we have them when we are not properly prepared to take care of them as easily as we would like causing us to possibly struggle at times?

The thing is as parents it is our responsibility to properly care for and nourish our kids. It is our responsibility to support and provide for our kids. It is our responsibility to mold them into successful adults and good productive citizens. It is our responsibility to educate them and show them how to go after their dreams. So why is it that when they become adults if they make it into the “Big Leagues” whether it’s sports, music, acting, entrepreneurialship (if that’s even a word…lol), etc…. that we expect to stop working and stop taking care of ourselves because we feel like now that they can afford it, they must take care of us? We feel like they are obligated to share the wealth. What happens when they become successful adults but not necessarily wealthy or famous, do we have expectations of them then? Do we expect them to take care of us and provide for us then? Why is it that expectations differ according to the amount of assets they possess?

Many times, in some “cultures/communities” we find that parents invest in their kids with the sole hope or intention of them becoming a famous athlete, or the next top model, or the next leading lady or actress, etc… but are we “intentionally” doing so because we love them and see the potential and they have shown interest in that particular thing, or are we doing so with hopes of getting a return on our investment? Are we secretly hoping that if we pay it now then they will pay it forward? I’ve even seen where some of us are not even the parent of the wealthy or famous kid we’re the “in law” and feel that because our child has acquired this “lifestyle” through marriage, that somehow, we are still entitled to even that! Is it ever right to feel like someone else’s success or fame belongs to us? If they are destined to have it or be it and follow their path will they not obtain it with or without us? If we have good intentions and really embrace our responsibilities as parents, then it doesn’t matter whether they are rich or poor and decide that what they’ve worked hard for or have acquired through marriage, inheritance, happenstance, etc.. all belongs to them because we’ve done our part, now it’s their time to do their part according to how they see fit not because they are repaying a debt that we make them feel they owe.

According to the “Good Book”, if we train up a child in the way they should go then they won’t depart from it. That means how we raise them will determine what they do when they get older. They will have a heart to reciprocate the love and sacrifice that we poured into them in ALL ways out of mere wanting to do for us what we have done for them, not out of expectation or obligation. Our responsibility and sacrifices that we make as parents should not equate as obligation to them as adults.

According to Wikipedia, practice is the act of rehearsing a behavior over and over, or engaging in an activity repeatedly for the purpose of improving or mastering a thing or craft. In sports/games there is always practice almost daily before the big game in preparation of being good at your sport and mastering it. Practice is set up so that you aren't fearful of your opponent and although you aren't able to determine their next move you are so confident in what you know and your ability that you aren't worried. 

But what happens when we don't pay attention in practice, or we just go through the motions of practice instead of using each practice for more preparation and to sharpen our skills? I'll tell you, you aren't as prepared for the game. You may know how to play it but you're a little nervous of the opponents move because you aren't as prepared as you should be.

What happens when you don't show up to practice at all because you think you're ready and don't need it? I'll tell you, you show up in the uniform so that it's known you're a part of the team but you aren't ready to play the game so he benches you.

Now while you may be on the sidelines dressed in your uniform, cheering the team on and begging the coach to put you in, the reality is you aren't really prepared and the coach knows this and because you are so valuable to him and he loves you that much to not see you hurt  he sadly tells you to stay on the bench. This teaches you to be prepared and to do your part when it's time to practice. To wholeheartedly go to practice and not just go through the motions but strive to get better each time. 

Maybe that's the reason so many believers are afraid during this COVID-19 pandemic. Because so many of us wasn't paying attention in practice. We showed up to church every week and every bible study, but we just went through the motions. We thought because we learned how to quote some scriptures that we were ready for anything but we didn't take the time to research those scriptures and apply it to our lives. Maybe we showed up with our skills and sung the congregation happy and got emotional when the word went forth but we weren't understanding it to live and believe what it was we were learning and experiencing. In other words we didn't really show up to practice or put in the right effort. So now that it's COVID-19 "gametime" some of us are in the game but nervous about what's going on and what's happening, some of us are making plays but we still aren't really confident in whether we are going to score or not and then there's the others that God our coach loves so much that He knowingly benches us because He simply says "you're not ready." 

We're emotionally buying, we're hiding from the enemy, we're nervous about how are bills are going to get paid, we're worried that if we step outside we will be affected and we're just plain ole scared. Coach knows that if he lets us in the game we aren't mentally, physically or emotionally prepared to take the hit. Because he loves us so much he doesn't want us to get hurt and injured so he makes us sit out. Then we beg and plead saying "but coach I have my uniform, I brought my helmet, I have my mouth guard" which translates to "I went to church every Sunday, I came to bible study, I was at every choir rehearsal" and coach looks at us and says "yeah you did and you're dressed the part, you look like you really belong to the team, but you aren't ready."  Your rebuttal is "I was born to do this, this comes natural to me, I don't need practice I know what to do, I've been playing this game all my life," which translates to "I was born and raised in church, I've been praying since I was a teenager, I can sing already so I didn't have to do the breathing exercises in rehearsal." 

With loving frustration the coach looks at you and says "If you were ready, you would know when you quote my word from II Peter chapter 1 verse 3, I said that I give you everything you need because I provide for you. What that really means is although you are laid off from work you shouldn't be stressing because your job was never your source it was your resource, I paid your bills. What that means is although you may get sick, I am your healer and your doctor in the sick room, the medicine was created by my genius using someone as a vessel to manifest what man's flesh needed to physically see to believe but I am the one that healed leopardsy, and blindness and issues of blood by simply speaking that your faith has made you whole. What that means is although there appears to be a shortage in food supply, I fed  you daily. So when you know and genuinely believe and live by that, then you won't just show up looking like you're ready because you're dressed in the uniform but I can have confident to put you in the game. In the meantime sit this one out and watch me get the victory so that the next time we have practice you won't just show up but you will actually SHOW UP. Then I will put you in the game."

According to the dictionary the word “value” has several meanings but there are just a few that I would like to focus on. 1. The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. 2. A person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgement of what is important in life.

I chose these two definitions because so often I hear people refer to the first definition when it comes to how they advertise their self-worth, whether in a relationship or in regards to their jobs, etc….. They say things like they’re worth more than this, they deserve better, they aren’t settling for certain things or the famous “treat me the way I deserve to be treated.” Then in the same breath, when you try and figure out or adhere to what YOU see their value is to you, they say things like “I’m priceless,” and respond to you as if you aren’t doing enough or putting enough value on them. Well what value is higher than priceless? According to the dictionary the meaning of priceless is something so precious its’ value can’t be determined. So if that’s the case are we expecting too much from others? Why are we expecting others or giving others the power to determine what that value is if technically we should be so precious that there is no way a value can be determined? So many times we find ourselves upset at our loved ones or significant others because they can’t seem to ever measure up to what we think they should value us as. We get upset when we feel we are over worked and under paid. Question is, “Is that fair to the person who is providing compensation (whether it’s via affection, attention, time or monetary) based on what they view the value is? Is it fair that in their eyes they may think that what they are doing is more important than making the sacrifice to put you first? Is it fair that their idea of spending time may be eating the dinner that you cooked and watching a movie when you really want to put on some clothes, make reservations and go out? Is it fair that your job pays $10 and hour for specific duties and any other duties as assigned and you feel like you’re over worked and should be making $15 an hour?

The problem is we operate according to the first definition and then get upset when someone doesn’t come up with the same value for us that we see for ourselves. If the old saying deems true, that someone is only going to treat you the way you allow them too, then we technically should operate according to the second definition. If we set our own standards and exude behavior according to what we have determined would be acceptable for ourselves then others would have to either follow suit or carry on without us but either way we won’t be compromising our self-worth. If we displayed extraordinary work ethics, skills and abilities, then we would be able to speak up and negotiate pay and prayerfully come to an agreement that works. Instead of giving away our power for others to determine and place judgement on our value we need to live and walk in what we’ve determined our value is, and if it’s as precious and priceless as it should be, then nobody would ever be able to put us in a box or under value who we are.

Be the valuable priceless person that you are and enjoy the consistent effort of others working hard to constantly appreciate who you are. If they are constantly working towards a goal of reaching your value and there is no such limit we will always be treated and cared for with priceless appreciation.

So many times we find ourselves in long relationships and not even realize why we’re in them. We find ourselves questioning is it worth fighting for or staying? We actually wonder why we stick or around or stuck around for so long and why in the world to we keep going back to them after something took place to say we needed to leave…..the answer is simply, it’s a Soul Tie!

Soul Ties are emotional bonds that form attachments and whether they are good or bad they are created from investing time and vulnerability. It’s like a link or force that connects two people souls together. This link isn’t always negative though, sometimes it’s beneficial. These ties can be formed biologically, physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

However, Soul ties are initially a gift from God. He uses them to help us commit. They help us commit to Him and each other. The problem lies when we commit to the wrong person or thing for the wrong reason and wrong way. God wanted them for wholeness with ourselves, unity with each other and oneness with Him. Instead we have connected to the wrong people or things and become broken because every time that “wrong” situation doesn’t work it takes a piece of us with it. Instead we have held on to relationships that were only meant to be for a season, and maintained them for a couple of seasons and it destroyed the unification. Instead of focusing on remaining one with Him we allowed our flesh and temptation to entice us and therefore cause Him to turn his face from our sin and interfere with the oneness.

This is the reason why when we set standards and limits, we sometimes drop our guards and allow people to overstep the boundaries that we have set. Somewhere down the line we have formed a soul tie with them. Maybe it was something that reminded us of a happy time in our life or something they did that spoke to a need we had internally and it formed an emotional bond and that’s the thing that we are holding on too. Maybe it came in the biological form which is referred to as generational curses that we feed into when allow the cycles to continue and say things like what happens in this house stays in this house and instead getting help, speaking to someone or praying and making effort to break the cycle. We love to say “you’re just like your momma, or you remind me so much of your dad, etc….” The last three are commonly linked together because they are easily formed through sex which is a “tridimensional” experience. It’s an experience that combines the spirit, body and soul and they all are controlled by your mind. When you lay with someone you think that you are only physically giving your body to them but what you are doing is intertwining with their spirit and their soul and at that moment you are allowing your mind to take you to a place of temporary satisfaction. This is the strongest type of soul tie there is. Once you get up from that act the physical part is done but what has connected on the inside is still there. Now depending on what time is invested and how vulnerable you’ve become to this person determines the strength or weakness of the soul tie.

This is what causes us to forgive and stay when at times we should forgive and move on. This is what causes us to invest years of our life to someone when at times we should’ve left a long time ago. This is what causes us to feel stuck when in our hearts when our minds are telling us to move. This is what causes us to cry or stress over the same things over and over again when after the first time we dried our eyes we shouldn’t have held on to the tissue box for the same issue. This is what causes us to miss what God really has for us because we are holding on to what we chose ourselves. This is what causes us to bargain with the fact that we know we deserve so much more. We know we are worth the fairy tale that we’ve always dreamed of. We know there is someone that is just for us and us only but instead we settle and wait hoping things will get better. Hoping things will turn around. We tell ourselves I’ve been in this too long to walk away. I’ve put too much time in and dealt with too much to let the next person come and enjoy the fruits of my labor. We ask ourselves what if I’ve been holding on this long and when I walk away things change and I regret that I didn’t wait a little longer. We make the soul ties stronger because we don’t even realize that we are investing more time and becoming more vulnerable every-time we bargain with what we know we are worth.

Take the time to find out why God allowed you and this person to cross paths in the first place, why He allowed them to come in your life (preferably at the beginning to avoid the negative soul ties) but it’s never too late to break the soul ties even if we didn’t start off right. Stop and evaluate why you are really hanging on to your situation. Pray and ask God to show you and really listen to Him and not yourself telling you what you want to hear. There shouldn’t be a negotiation of what your worth. Your heart doesn’t belong at a swap meet or flea market or on the sales rack. It actually belongs in the section called “priceless”. You deserve the best so why are you settling?

 

According to "Learning Mind" there are 7 different types of thinkers. You have the "Abstract Thinker" who is able to relate random things with each other, they read between the lines so to speak and they get bored easily. The "Analytical Thinker" like to break things down, they take the big picture and break it down which enables them to be excellent problem solvers. The "Creative Thinker" is one who typically thinks outside of the box and will come up with genius solutions to solve dilemmas and remember things. Then we have the “Concrete Thinker” who’s different from the “Abstract Thinker” because they actually think of specific objects or items rather than theoretical representation. Concrete thinkers like hard facts, figures and statistics. A “Critical Thinker” goes a step further than an analytical thinker because they don’t just break things down to analyze a situation or what needs to be done but they use careful judgment in order to determine the validity or value in something. Next there’s the “Convergent Thinker” who will take a lot of components or possibilities in order to come up with one solution. Lastly, we have the “Divergent Thinker” who is polar opposite from thinking from a convergent point of view. A divergent thinker doesn’t start off with a set of possibilities to come up with a solution, they actually think of as many possibilities as possible to come up with a final solution…..talk about a worry ward! If you actually think about it, all of these different ways that we think sounds stressful and honestly they actually are. So if you “THINK” about it when we get up in the morning we automatically start with stress because we think about what we have to do for the day whether it’s something at work and the best route to get there to be on-time and avoid the traffic. You may be self-employed so you’re thinking about what you need to do for your business’ success especially because you are the one that’s counting on its’ success. Or you may be a “stay at home parent” so you wake up wondering what will you clothe your child in, or what you will cook for them for their daily meals, or what you’re going to pack for lunch, or did you make sure their homework was placed in their book bags. Either way we all are guilty of starting our days with the stress of a “To Do List” whether we make a mental list or we actually write it down, but is this the way that God intended us to start our day……absolutely not! He wants us to start our days with Him knowing that He has it all in control. He wants us to be at peace so that whatever we do we can do in excellence as if we were doing it unto HIM. If we start our day with Him we will see that instead of a “To Do List” He gave us a “Not To Do List”. Most of the Commandments that He gave us to follow started with “Thou shall not….” 90% of them actually!!!! So, what if we concentrated more on the things that we shouldn’t do, maybe the things that we should or have to do will be much less stressful. If we know that it’s traffic time on I64 during the hours of 4pm and 6pm why don’t we tell ourselves to not take that route after a long day at work and instead take an alternate route so we are stuck or sitting in traffic. Wouldn’t that take some of the stress off? What if we told ourselves to not wait until the morning to take out clothes and pack our kids lunches for school and instead we do those things at night? That would alleviate the element of stress in the morning with the hustle and bustle and we may be able to sleep in a little later.

Bottom line is if we retrained our minds to stop being bombarded with the pressures of the million things that we have to do we could help to combat the sense of failure or not meeting the mark. We could potentially lessen the feeling of being incomplete. If we focused on the things that we shouldn’t do we’d just about always reach that goal! And if you think about it, it’s a lot easier to not do something than it is to do something…..now isn’t that some food for thought!

 

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”

~ Lou Holtz~

 

In this beautiful country called America the land of the free, the home of the brave, it’s the place where everyone wants to live. It’s a place where immigrants risk their lives and the lives of their families to escape too because of the opportunities and the freedom of choice, but is it really free? When you are born here, you are blessed to have so many choices. The choice to dream. The choice to decide what you want to be when you grow up and how you want to follow that path to get there. The choice to say “yes to the dress” and marry who you want. The choice to move and live where you want. The choice to go to a restaurant and order what you want to eat or stay home and cook what you want to eat. The choice to change your mind. So many CHOICES, CHOICES, and more CHOICES…… until someone decided they had the power to take your choice away. Someone decided that they had the power to determine what you do with your body. Can you believe it? Someone has decided that what they feel and think you should do with your body that you live and care for, nurture and groom, love or hate, flaunt or hide every day is more important than what you feel to a point where it’s not even up for debate it’s a done deal really?

 

Yes I know there are mixed views and opinions about abortions. Whether it’s right or whether it’s wrong, whether it’s necessary or a cop-out, whether we should or shouldn’t, but that’s not what this is really about, it’s about a choice. I heard a great preacher say that “opinions are only relevant until they are proven wrong.” Do I think abortions are right? No I don’t, but I think it’s a choice. We all have made decisions that we knew were wrong but it was what we either thought was best at the time or chose to do knowing that we would have to deal with the consequences. Yes if we lay down and have sex we know there can be several outcomes, such as satisfaction or dis-satisfaction, STD’s, guilt, shame, personal condemnation, and pregnancy just to name a few. With satisfaction the world says it’s okay to smile and enjoy the feeling. . With dis-satisfaction the world says it’s okay to shake it off forget about it and either try again or keep it pushing. With STD’s the world says it’s okay to go get treated and get rid of the infection so that you are back to “normal” again. Even with contracting AID’s, the world decided to tell their secret and share medicine so that you are able to survive and live with it. With guilt and shame the world says it’s okay to forget about it, it’s in the past hold your head up and try not to make that mistake again. With condemnation the world says you can pray for genuine forgiveness and go and sin no more. With pregnancy the world says…..nope to bad so sad, deal with it. Really? Yes it is horrible to think of that as a way out in MY opinion, yes it’s horrible to use that as birth control in MY opinion, yes it’s horrible to use that to cover the sin you committed in MY opinion, but at the end of the day I don’t have to sacrifice, cloth, feed, care for, mold, live a good example in front of, instill proper morals and principles, work to take care of, or deny myself so that child can have, you do. The person with the consequence does. It’s easy for someone to point the finger and say what the other should or shouldn’t do when they aren’t in that situation. It’s easy for them to force their opinion on you when they aren’t the ones dealing with it. It’s easier for someone to make you feel little for thinking different from them when their mind may be stronger than yours in certain situations. It’s easy for someone to make you feel less than when your opinion is not their opinion when they are afforded different opportunities. It’s easy for someone to make choices for you when they don’t have to make the same EXACT choice themselves. What happens when all of these kids are birthed to these illegitimate people? Do we go back to seeing/hearing reports on the news about botched abortions and women dying of having permanent health issues as a result that they can’t afford? Do we go back to finding babies behind dumpsters? Do we continue to over crowd Fostercare/Adoption programs and take a risk hoping and praying to find them loving homes, versus those who just want a paycheck or them growing up in the system that the government slacks on the funding for and they never get a home or loving family? Do we continue to add to the ridiculously enormous number of people who are on public assistance because they can’t afford life as it is? Is this really about abortion or is this really about giving someone the power to take away our choices so that they can keep us oppressed? It’s not a racial thing, it’s not the “white man” it’s MAN period. Whether it’s a MAN or woMAN of any race making a choice for us. Once we give them the power to take away our choice which also takes away our voice and then what? They want us to look at the small picture in essence so that we can’t see the big picture and what’s really going on. How is it that my rapist gets less time than I do if I abort the child conceived from my rape? How is it that my molester gets less time IF any if I abort a child conceived out of being molested or from the act of incest? How is it that a murder can get off from a technicality but because I may CHOOSE to not bring a child in this world I’m severely punished? How is it that if I abort my child I’m dammed but the gentleman that helped create the child can just walk away with a slap on the wrist called “child support?”

 

Yes I may choose to lay down and have sex and the consequence of that choice may be pregnancy, now it’s a DIFFERENT situation that requires another choice, I’m pregnant do/can I keep it or not? Either way I live with the consequences of all of my choices not you. It’s funny because our currency which makes the world go round says in God we trust, but do we really? No God does not like abortion as He doesn’t like ANY sin, but He wants us to CHOOSE Him freely so He gave us the free will to CHOOSE! If God doesn’t forced Himself and what He wants for us on us who are we to do so. Are we saying that we are more powerful than God? Of course not! So no MY body NOT your choice……MY BODY, MY CHOICE!!!!

 

Communication comes in many different ways. There is verbal communication, when you are actually speaking. There is non-verbal/ interpersonal communication which includes things like facial expressions, body language, etc… Then you have written communication which is communicating via texts, letters and things like emails. The fourth kind is formal & informal which is also known as “grapevine” or getting information from other sources whether it’s people or Social media. The last type of communication that you don’t hear about too often is Visual communication but that’s more like advertisements, illustrations, designs and things of that nature.

Too often we overlook certain things depending on how a message is communicated. If we get a text message, email, letter, or grapevine style communication we tend to hear it in our tone or a tone we have attached to the message that may not necessarily be the tone that the message was given. When we get a message via body language, or eye contact we tend to interpret the message according to what we think the message is saying without actually hearing what’s being said behind those expressions. The thing is, does the way the message is given or perceived change or determine the meaning or the original message? Does this effect how you receive the message? The answer is yes! If you get a ring that’s in a velvet box but in a Wal-mart gift bag and it’s sitting on your table waiting for you is that ring then a promise or friendship ring, or just a nice piece of jewelry? If that same exact ring was not in a gift bag but just in its velvet box sitting on the table open and waiting for you does it now become an engagement ring? The same thing just relayed in different ways can create a totally different meaning.

When it comes to flirting if a woman looks at you and smile, then give you a little wave with no words is she considered flirting or sending you a message that she’s just being courteous and saying “hello” without saying it? If that same woman looks at you and smile but as she waves she actually say’s “hello” with no type of inflection in her voice is she still considered as flirting or is she now just being courteous and saying “hello”. If a man looks at you and smile while saying “hey beautiful good morning”, is he flirting with you? If that same man looks at you and smile while saying “hey beautiful good morning” as he continues to walk, is he still flirting or just simply saying “good morning”?

Does the definition of flirting change when you are in a relationship versus if you are single, or is it your expectations that change? The longer you are in a relationship one would assume the more involved your feelings are with your companion, which typically changes your expectations of each other. Your expectations may change but the definition of flirting remains the same which according to the dictionary,"flirting is behaving as though you are attracted to or trying to attract someone". So if this is the real definition, the question is when does flirting become cheating? In speaking with some men and women as usual it seems we have a difference of opinions. A single woman responded that if you are continuously flirting with the same person then it becomes cheating in her eyes because you are trying to build something more at that point. She continued on to say, that she feels any type of written flirtation is definitely cheating automatically. When I spoke to a single gentleman he stated that he doesn’t consider it cheating until there is an act to the thought. He explained that flirting is a thought that something could happen but if it isn’t acted upon then he doesn’t feel he’s cheated.

Here’s the thing if flirting is to behave as though you are attracted to or trying to attract someone and you are in a relationship meaning you have already attracted someone then I think from the beginning IT’S CHEATING!!!! It may be harmless cheating, or it may be an acceptable form of cheating, but isn’t it still cheating? So maybe the real question should be, is this type of cheating a deal breaker…..

 

The movie Beauty and the Beast depicts how a humble young lady raised by her single father, who loves to keep to herself and read books, who has a heart of gold and is compassionate, empathetic and sympathetic towards people falls in love with the polar opposite. She finds herself in a castle with a Beast who is mean and pretentious, who was raised in royalty to be selfish and inconsiderate, and who had no compassion or empathy for others. Yet with the contradicting personalities and characteristics they still seemed to find love. In spite of her feeling imprisoned and not wanting to be there her heart led her to stay, originally to take the place for her father’s freedom then evidentially because she saw beyond the hard, ugly exterior of the beast. At one point Belle and the Beast just couldn’t see eye to eye and she decided to follow her mind and leave. In the course of her escape her heart began to speak louder and she decided to stay. Through this she got to really see past the Beasts’ outward shell and she saw his heart and the human that lay beneath on the inside. During the course of her stay at the castle she continuously had a battle between her mind and her heart. Her mind was letting her see the reality of the current situation but her heart was encouraging her to see the reality of what it could be with a little more patience and love. In the end the heart words were loud enough to triumph. So often in real life we find ourselves fighting the same battle as Belle. Our mind tells us to cut our loses, move on and invest in ourselves or someone worth putting our investments in. In the meantime our heart tells us but we love them, we’ve hung in there this long just hang in there a little while longer things will get better and change. Sometimes are heart is right and often times it’s wrong. In Belle’s case her heart was right, but if she’d listened to her mind would that have been wrong or would it have just led her down another possibly “right” path. Going down a right path is always a GREAT thing but is every right path right for us? Which should we listen too, our hearts or our minds? An everyday battle that I find myself in whether it’s work related, personal or spiritual……

In the end they both speak and both have wisdom from past and present experiences, so maybe the best thing is to pray that the heart and mind gets on one accord so they begin to speak the same language…..

 

Often times I hear people say, "I need to lose weight," "I wish I was pretty like her," "I wish my hair was long," "I wish my curls were defined like hers," "If my stomach was flatter, I would be the bomb," "If my waist was smaller and butt was larger, or if I had a larger chest, I'd be more attractive," "If I was lighter he/she would notice me." So many "if's" and wanting to change who we are to be accepted, seen, noticed or more desirable, but by whose standards? Who said a size 22 was less attractive than a size 2? Who said lighter skin is more beautiful than darker skin? Who said a flatter stomach versus something to hold on to was better? Who said longer hair and clearer skin was necessary? Who said? Who told you that? Wanting to change because you want to is one thing and totally your choice but wanting to change because you feel you don't fit the bill is another. Who set the standards of what we should look like? We look at television and aspire to be what we see but don't realize that what we see isn't always joy. Sometimes the people we see on television are changing, fasting, dieting, installing weaves, bleaching their skin, staying in the gym day in and day out because "we/society" have set unrealistic standards. We make them feel that we don't want to see them or support them if they don't fit the image we have convinced one another is the "right" image. At the same time we are starving ourselves, going into debt to keep up with the latest fashions, fooling ourselves that we have to look like them in order to be somebody, but nobody stops to realize if they are trying to please us and we are trying to mimic them, is any of it really necessary. Know that someone is in love and will only be attracted to that man or woman with meat on their bones. Someone will only be attracted to that small and petite man or woman that focuses on health, being tone and staying small. Someone will only be attracted to long hair, Mohawks, dreads, beards and extensions, while someone else will prefer the short hair, the clean shaven, the natural look and the tapers. While someone will be attracted to the lighter skinned people, someone else will be attracted to the darker tones, someone else will be attracted to the tanned and someone will be attracted to the pale. If you can't love and accept the skin you’re in REGARDLESS of its shape and size nobody else will be able to fully do so. Yes someone can see your inner beauty and seek to love you through your insecurities but until you learn to love yourself you won't even be able to really know what love is and how to accept it. You should wake up and admire who you are and how you look. It's okay to enhance yourself because of a choice but not because you have convinced yourself that without it you aren't enough, without it you aren’t beautiful, without it you won’t be noticed. Know that you are custom made; you aren't a "one size fit all." Know that you are beautiful and what you have to offer is enough. Know that if it doesn't fit for some it will always fit for at least one and that one is you. Love the skin that you're in because it's yours and only yours and it's simply beautiful.